There exists an abandoned post from the beginning of this year – one that lamented on a great deal of things I have experienced in this life, that mourned the way the world once was and acknowledged the robotic wasteland we reluctantly occupy today. It was authentic and raw, but my resilience would hardly let me work on the piece for more than a few moments at a time without returning to the projects I’d promised myself I’d complete before the year is through. And while the aforementioned topics are still worth talking about, I would like to save them for another time and another post and, instead, take a moment to celebrate some of the successes that have come from that resilience. But first, a little history.

Where to begin… I started running my own show quite a long time ago, driven by a passion for creation I’ve had my entire life. During college, while wrestling with a lot of health issues and processing a lot of trauma, I started offering freelance art and design services online. It went as well as it can in a saturated market. To supplement, I found a passion in fragrance – candles, soaps, incense, oils – which overlapped just the right amount with my pre-existing passion for the metaphysical. That went even more well than freelance had, and before I knew it, I was making a little extra from my two favorite hobbies that I could put on top of my income from the job I was working at the time. I had thought about it then, going all-in on it, making it official. But then there was more trauma that seemed to hit back-to-back. A broken heart. Death. Abuse. Abandonment. A stalker. A pandemic. More death. And that’s just scratching the surface, but on top of it all, our entire social sphere shifted. Beauty was scrubbed from existence in favor of profit and function. Algorithms changed in favor of corporations. All that great stuff.

My progress came to a complete halt. My social media and websites stopped receiving traffic. No traffic meant no gigs, no sales. Many of the people I knew had become completely unrecognizable. I fell off the radar. I alienated myself. I found a new job, one I hated that I had hoped would bring me the acceptance from my loved ones that it ultimately did not. Still, I did it – the life thing everyone expects you to do. I worked hard, like I always had, despite what some people in my life may have you think. I have always worked hard at everything in my life, because my life had always been hard. It still often is. I aged prematurely only to find out that adults are a made-up concept that give children a sense of comfort that someone has it figured out when no one really does. I’ve made my mistakes, too, but it’s learning from them that makes you more “adult”, I guess. Not everyone does that.

Then in this robotic cycle of working, cooking, cleaning, existing, as I felt the last of my authenticity slipping away like sand praying for better friction during high tide, I stopped and asked why it had to be the way it is. What happened? Where had everything good gone? More importantly, can we get it back? Truthfully, I still don’t fully know the answer to all of those questions, but I know it starts like everything else does: Slowly, at first (then later, if you’re lucky, all at once). I also know it won’t change at all if we do nothing and keep pretending that this is normal, fulfilling, and how things have always been. A topic for another time.

Anyway, I kept working – because that’s what you do, I’m told – but I also started working on a couple of other things. I started trying to pick myself back up again, trying to be social again, trying to reignite the spark inside me that had gone out. It’s been a lot more work than the proverbial “work” we’re encouraged to do, but this year, after a lot of introspection, something seems to have switched back on within me. I’ve stopped caring as much about what other people think, because I can see what other people’s thoughts have done for the world we live in right now. I’ve started moving things around, taking a lot of risks I otherwise wouldn’t have, and as of now, I am officially the owner of my own business.

And actually, one of things I wanted to ask today was for the help of friends, family, and strangers who would like to help me offset some the start-up costs. Licenses and legal fees, initial inventory and manufacturing needs, marketing and advertisement, packaging and samples, and much more that I’m sure I am not thinking about at the moment. My goal is at least $5,000 to put into my business account to cover anything that isn’t made up in sales and subscriptions by the end of this year. If you’d like to contribute in any amount, you can do so here.

It’s extremely appreciated, but not required, and not really the point of this update. The point is to celebrate where I am today. I’m not where I want to be quite yet, but I’m somewhere meaningful. Just yesterday, I finished a big project for my YouTube channels. I’m in the process of writing three books. I’m working on new artwork for my websites, for prints in my art shop, for an oracle deck I’d like to publish. This year, I learned the basics of Greek and front-end development and WordPress. I learned how to belly dance, how to do splits. I’ve made so many things – art, literature, beautiful but functional designs. I’m learning how to do handstands and accounting and painting with acrylic gouache. I’m still struggling with time management, but I’m getting there. I’m going out more. I’m doing my best to live life at a time when doing so is difficult for just about everyone. And it may not be as exciting as getting accepted into Harvard or as comfortable as a desk job, but it’s fulfilling and it’s fun and it matters because it clears the path for a different direction for the world than the direction it is going right now.

Life is hard. This current cultural climate is harder. I don’t plan to make it more difficult on myself. I plan to change the world for the better – alone, if I have to. I’ve always had unattainable utopian visions for this place. As of now, I’m acting on them. Come my next update post, I’ll have a lot more to share – a new and revised checklist, as well. Until then, lots of love and all that jazz.